


Dear Kyle Broflovski

by Queen_Bva_Dva



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Crossover, Depressing, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Musicals, Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt, very dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 15:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15951731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Bva_Dva/pseuds/Queen_Bva_Dva
Summary: Kyle Broflovski had broken his arm over the summer when he fell out of a tree, today is his first day of senior year. With everything going on with his life how will he cope when one of his best friends die?





	1. Anybody Have a Map?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter does have a mention of attempted suicide, please be safe and read at your own risk.

Kyle let out a soft sigh as he wakes up. As per normal these day he woke up uncomfortable, having a broken arm wasn’t exactly the easiest thing. Hell, Kyle didn’t even know he managed to fall asleep anyway. His alarm was blaring and he leans over sleepily slapping his alarm before it turned off. Sure the broken arm made things hard but he at least gotten used to it. He could get dressed and changed without any problem. 

Kyle was wearing a green sweater with a white t-shirt underneath with some blue jeans. Kyle didn’t care much about fashion but this was the first day of school after all. He let out a soft sigh as he gets his white socks and black sneakers on. He goes to open his door when his mother swings open the door with a smile on her face. Great, this is how his day was going to start. His mom leads him back to his bed and sits the two of them down on the bed. 

“Have you been writing those letters to yourself? ‘Dear Kyle Broflovski, this is gonna be a good day and here's why.’” Kyle let out a soft sigh as he glances over at his mom trying to pretend he was interested. 

“I started one.” He admits and stands up going over to his desk. He opens his bottle of pills and opens the water bottle next to it letting his mom talk in the background. 

“Those letters are important, honey they're gonna help you build your confidence.” His mom states with a soft smile on her face. Kyle couldn’t help but roll his eyes to himself as he swallows his pill. Luckily he was facing away from his mom. 

“I guess.” Kyle says with a shrug as he sets the water bottle back down. 

“Can we try to have an optimistic outlook, huh? Can we buck up just enough to see the world won't fall apart? Maybe this year, we decide we're not giving up before we've tried. This year, we make a new start.” Sheila says. Kyle let her go on knowing well that his mother wasn’t done talking yet.

“Hey I know! You can go around today and ask the other kids to sign your cast. how 'bout that?” She offers. Kyle forces a smile as he takes his black backpack slinging it over his shoulder. 

“Perfect.” Kyle says as he makes sure his hat was secure on his head. It wasn’t hard for Sheila to know that he was using sarcasm. 

“I’m proud of you already.” Sheila says with a warm smile. Kyle glances back at his mom before heading for the door. 

“Oh good…” Kyle quickly makes his escape from the room leaving Shelia alone in the room. 

“Another stellar conversation for the scrapbook, Another stumble as I'm reaching for the right thing to say. I'm kinda coming up empty, can't find my way to you…” Sheila says to herself as she gets up off Kyle’s bed. Her eyes land on a picture of Kyle and his friends as kids. She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face as she picks it up to look at it better.

“Does anybody have a map? Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this? I don't know if you can tell but this is me just pretending to know. So where's the map? I need a clue, 'Cause the scary truth is I'm flying blind and I'm making this up as I go…” Sheila carefully sets the picture back down onto Kyle’s desk and makes her way out of Kyle’s room. 

Things weren’t going any easier in the Marsh house hold either. Stan was sitting at the table eating his cereal with a sour expression on his face as the rest of his family ate their own food.

“It's your senior year, Stan... You are not missing the first day.” Sharon says sternly. Though it didn’t seem to have much of an effect on Stan as he just ate his cereal. 

“I already said I'd go tomorrow.” Stan glances over at his mom who turns to Randy for help. 

“He doesn't listen Look at him, he's probably high.” Randy says studying Stan’s face and eyes still holding onto his phone.

“He's definitely high.” Shelly states matter of factually with a shrug. She never really did care about what Stan did. 

“I don't want you going to school high, Stan…” Sharon pleads with him placing a hand onto Stan’s shoulder. 

“Perfect, so then I won't go thanks, Mom!” Stan says with a fake smile as he shrugs her hand off heading back up to his room leaving his bowl of cereal. 

“Another masterful attempt ends with disaster…” Sharon mumbles to herself picking up Stan’s half full bowl of cereal. 

“Interstate's already jammed.” Randy states staring at his phone once again. Sharon places the bowl into the sink with a sigh. 

“Pour another cup of coffee and watch it all crash and burn…” Sharon turns to the coffee maker as it beeps pouring the coffee into her cup. 

“Stan finished the milk!” Shelly complains as Sharon takes a sip of the coffee in her cup. 

“It's a puzzle, it's a maze. I tried to steer through it a million ways, But each day's another wrong turn.” Sharon says glancing out the window seeing the bus was pulling up.

“I better head out.” Randy says as he finishes drinking the rest of the coffee in his cup before heading out. 

“If Stan’s not ready, I'm leaving without him.” Shelly states sternly as she gets her backpack putting it on.

“Does anybody have a map? Happen to know how the hell to do this?I don't know if you can tell But this is me just pretending to know, So where's the map? I need a clue. 'Cause the scary truth is, I'm flying blind, I'm flying blind, I'm flying blind, I'm flying blind, and I'm making this up as I go! As I go…” Sharon watches as both Randy and Shelly leave the room leaving Sharon all by herself. 

Kyle makes his way onto the bus sitting by himself as he makes his way to school. He zoned out the entire way to school glancing down at his cast. He’d have to get at least one person to sign his cast in order to make his mom happy. He let out a soft sigh as the bus pulls up to South Park High. It was his first day of senior year, his class never changed much. Some people moved away but that was about it. He makes his way out of the bus and notices Butters. Butters was always the nicest kid in school, no doubt he’d sign his cast. 

“Hey Butters.” Kyle says making his way over to Butters. Butters smiles happily when he sees Kyle. 

“Oh! Heya Kyle, how was your summer?” Butters questions with that bright smile of his. 

“Uh, good Butters. Do you want to sign my ca-” Kyle was going to get the sharpie from his pocket as Butters cuts him off.

“Oh hamburgers! What happened to your arm?” He questions and goes over to get a better look at his cast. 

“Well I fell out of a tree…” Before Kyle could go on Kenny calls Butters over and Butters goes running off to his boyfriends side. Kyle sighs softly letting watching as they made their way to their new lockers. 

“Is it weird to be the first person in human history to break their arm jerking off?” A voice comes behind Kyle making him jump. 

“Fat ass, I wasn’t…” But Eric cuts him off as he makes his way in front of Kyle. 

“Paint me the picture, you’re in your bedroom you got Wendy Testabruger’s Instagram up on your phone…” Eric says pretending to swipe on his phone.

Kyle cut him off this time.

“Sh! That’s not what happened, obviously. I was climbing a tree and well I fell out of it.” Kyle says with a shrug. Eric starts to laugh at Kyle. 

“You fell out of a tree? What are you… A acorn?” Eric says while chuckling to himself. Kyle rolls his eyes at that and let out an annoyed huff. 

“Very funny Eric. But I’ll let you know that I worked up in the mountains as a park ranger, and not to brag or anything but I’m an expert on trees now. Anyway that’s not the point, see there was this forty foot tall tree that I climbed-” Eric was nodding his head through the entire frantic story before cutting him off. 

“Then you fell.” Eric was grinning ear to ear and Kyle rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Well yeah but that’s not the funny part, see I fell and I was waiting on the ground for like a solid ten minutes thinking someone would come.” Eric raises a brow at Kyle pulling a bag of cheesy poofs from his backpack to eat during the story. 

“Well did they?” Eric questions with a raised brow on his face.

“Well, no see that’s the funny part.” Kyle says holding onto his backpack straps.

“Jesus Christ.” Eric says laughing though he stops when he sees someone behind Kyle. Kyle turns to see who he was looking at and he feels his stomach drop. It was Stan, Kyle’s childhood best friend.


	2. Waving Through a Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter does have mentions of a suicide attempt, read at your own risk and be safe!

“Hey Stan! How have you been? I see you’re rocking the new depressed chic, you’re just missing your normal bottle of jack!” Eric chuckles to himself but the hallway was dead silent. Kyle couldn’t do anything but stare in shock as Eric let his hands fall in annoyance when Stan just stares at him.

“It was a joke?” Eric questions as if Stan was supposed to have something to say to that. Stan seemed to be seething in rage at this point.

“Yeah, it was funny, I’m laughing can’t you tell?” Stan hisses out sarcasm dripping with every word. Stan takes two threatening steps towards Eric making him back up. 

“Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” Stan had his eyes locked on Eric like a predator hunting its prey. Eric takes a few mores steps back almost walking into Kyle.

“You’re such a freak.” Eric says with a scoff and a breath of a pity laugh. With that Eric makes his way away from them. Leaving Stan to now stare down Kyle. Kyle couldn’t help but stare at Stan in pity. His once super best friend had become a huge dick. Stan’s stern glare made Kyle let out a nervous very fake laugh trying desperately to find something to say.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” Stan growls storming over to Kyle. It was rather terrifying to see the size difference of Stan. With Stan on the football team he was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

“W-What?” Kyle chokes out trying desperately to think of something to say. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this?

“You think I’m a freak?!” Stan booms out. Kyle could swear it echoed through the halls. 

“Wha- no I wasn’t laughing at y-” Kyle tries to get out but Stan was clearly in a fit of rage as he storms to Kyle. Kyle tries his best to take a few steps back so he could try and reason with Stan. 

“You’re the fucking freak!” With Stan yelling those words Kyle was shoved to the ground like a football training dummy. Stan takes his sharpy out and scribbles his name across Kyle's cast with a small amused chuckle as he drops the marker onto Kyle's face. Kyle defiantly had the wind knocked out of him as he let Stan storm past him. At least he managed to avoid landing on his cast… With a resigned sigh Kyle gets to his feet once more everything seeming to freeze around him. He was all alone in that hall, no one to hear, no one to care. 

“I've learned to slam on the brake. Before I even turn the key. Before I make the mistake. Before I lead with the worst of me…” Kyle insures his backpack was still in one piece and none of the contents had fallen out from the shove. 

“Give them no reason to stare. No slipping up if you slip away. So I got nothing to share… No, I got nothing to say…” Kyle turns to the lockers that belong to unknown faces that seemed to blur into the crowd. 

“Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun because you've learned, because you've learned…” Kyle turns starting to walk to class in the now empty hallway. 

“On the outside, always looking in, will I ever be more than I've always been?” Kyle turns to the window seeing the elementary school on the other side of the road. He could see Stan and himself playing basketball together back to the good days of the fourth grade.

“'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass… I'm waving through a window.” Kyle rests his hand onto the window watching the two play. They were both smiling happily no worry or care. Those were the easy times, where nothing bothered them. No monster or challenge they couldn’t beat and no girls to worry about. 

“I try to speak, but nobody can hear so I wait around for an answer to appear… While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I'm waving through a window, oh can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?” The memory was far to melancholy for Kyle, it was almost painful at this point. He lets his hand slip from the glass as he starts to walk again. 

Kyle was forced from his fantasy when someone grabs his arm. The halls suddenly brimming with people and chatter. There holding his arm was none other than Wendy Testaburger. The most amazing, smartest and most beautiful girl in their entire school. Who also happened to be Stan’s girlfriend. 

“Hey, I saw Stan shove you… I’m sorry he can get really, frustrated in the mornings.” Wendy says apologetically. Wendy was always the calm rational voice in the relationship. 

“Anyway I just wanted to say sorry, I have to get to class.” With that Wendy flashes Kyle a kind smile letting go of his arm and turning.

“Wait do you want to sign my cast?” Kyle says so quickly he was sure that even his mind didn’t catch up to what he said, luckily enough Wendy didn’t either. 

“What did you say?” She questions curiously glancing back at Kyle. Though she did seem quite antsy to get to class.

“Me? I didn’t say anything? Why would I say something.” He scoffs and clears his throat in his flustered state quickly realizing how much of an utter fool he was making himself out to be. 

“Ah, well I have to get to class.” With that Wendy runs off. Kyle let out an exasperated sigh as he starts to walk down the hallway to his own class getting lost in his thought once again.

“We start with stars in our eyes. We start believing that we belong…” Kyle watches as his fifth grade self runs down everyone fading away with every step he took. Kyle knew where this was going but he couldn’t help but watch as his younger self ran down the hall to fifth grade Wendy a dandelion offering it to her. She gladly takes it and smiles sweetly leaving the younger boy a blushing mess. 

“But every sun doesn't rise. and no one tells you where you went wrong…” Kyle turns the corner and sure enough there Stan was in the sixth grade kissing Wendy. He remembers the pain of that moment all too clearly. 

“Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun because you've learned, because you've learned…” Kyle stands there watching as his younger self forces a smile and pats both of their backs laughing along with his two embarrassed friends.

“On the outside, always looking in, will I ever be more than I've always been?” Kyle watches as the two chat and laugh happily as Stan wraps an arm around Wendy. The two of them sharing a loving look.

“'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass… I'm waving through a window.” Kyle watches as the younger version of himself breaks down into tears in front of his two friends who were far to busy staring at each other. The memory flickers and younger Kyle was back to smiling. He didn’t get the chance to cry that day, even if he wish he did. 

“I try to speak, but nobody can hear so I wait around for an answer to appear… While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I'm waving through a window, oh can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?” Kyle watches as the memory flickers and fades away. There outside the window was a memory that wasn’t too long ago. This last summer actually. Kyle hesitates for a few seconds before making his way over to the window. 

“When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around do you ever really crash, or even make a sound?” Kyle watches his past self climbs up the tree all alone. A few tears form in his eyes as he watches himself climb up to one of the highest branches sitting down on it and staring across the horizon. 

“Did I even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? It's like I never made a sound.. Will I ever make a sound?” Kyle turns away as he past self slips from the branch the memory fading. Tears now stream down his cheeks freely. 

“On the outside, always looking in will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass… Waving through a window I try to speak, but nobody can hear. So I wait around for an answer to appear while I'm watch, watch, watching people pass waving through a window, oh can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?” With that the bell rings and the people appear in the halls once again. Though they all ignoring Kyle completely as he stares at his reflection watching the tears stream down his face. He rubs the few tears with his sleeve and makes his way to class.


	3. Super Best Friend

The rest of the day seemed to pass in a boring blur, taking notes, going to different classes and finally starting to get packed up. He let out a soft sigh glancing down at the note with ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ scribbled along the top of it. This was stupid, he knew this was stupid so why did he- before he could even finish his thought the letter gets ripped from his hands.

“What’s this?” Stan says with a chuckle reading over the wording. Kyle quickly tries to reach for the letter to rip it from his hands. 

“Dear Evan Hansen~” Stan starts to read out loud to the people passing by. 

“Dude give it back! Don’t be a dick!” Kyle yells without really thinking trying to grab onto the letter but Stan shifts away just in time for Kyle to miss.

“Aw, does little Kyle need his diary?” Stan mocks in a babyish tone. Kyle grabs onto Stan’s jacket and forces him back grabbing onto the letter. Though, his victory was short lived as Stan reels back and punches him square in the face. Dazed and in shock Kyle falls back onto the ground holding his nose in pain, blood was defiantly pouring from it. Stan says something to him but his head was pounding too hard for him to fully understand. 

After a good ten minutes of laying on the ground Kyle gets up, swings his backpack over his shoulder and heads home. Three days had passed sense then and he hadn’t seen Stan come to school at all. He sighs softly as he enters his room closing the door behind him. He tosses his bag onto the ground and makes his way over to his computer opening up his laptop. After debating for a second he video calls Eric. Eric picks up mouthful of stringy pizza.

“What’s up loser?” Eric asks leaning back in his chair as he eats. 

“I literally just texted you about this.” Kyle says bitterly glaring at Eric. Eric only nonchilantly shrugs. 

“Oh yeah, the whole, writing a letter to yourself thing? What is it like a sex thing?” Eric asks with a slight grin on his face. 

“No, no it’s not a sex thing it was… an assignment…?” Kyle grumbles getting a tissue to rub some of the dry blood from his nose away. 

“And you’re talking to me about this why…?” Eric asks as he pulls a fresh slice of pizza from the box. Kyle’s stomach twist at the mere sight of it.

“I don’t know… You’re like, my only friend?” Kyle grumbles making Eric laugh a rather loud annoying chuckle. 

“Oh my god.” Eric says covering his face as he laughs. Kyle could feel annoyance bubbling in him but he stuffs it away anyway. 

“I don’t know what to do, Stan took it and he hasn’t been to school sense.” Kyle gets up out of his chair tossing the tissue away into his trash bin. 

“Dude that does not bode well for you.” Eric seemed to be getting a kick out of Kyle’s suffering, then again he always did. Kyle couldn’t help but to start pace now. 

“What do you think he’s doing?” Kyle asks worriedly and glances back at the screen.

“D-Do you think he’s going to show… people?” Kyle asks hesitantly hoping that Eric wouldn’t be able to pick up the fact he was talking about Wendy. 

“He’s going to ruin your life. I mean, I would.” Eric says with a big grin on his face. Kyle pales at that and groans in annoyance closing his laptop. He makes his way to his bed and lays face down on his bed. He could at least get some sleep. 

School rolls around the next morning and Kyle was already on his way. He had his backpack flung over his shoulder and he makes his way into the entrance. 

“Hia! Good mornin’!” Butters cheerful voice comes as he greets the people who enter the school. Kyle at least gives him a small wave as he makes his way to class. Just as he settles down in his classroom seat the loudspeaker booms over the room.

“Kyle Broflovski to the main office. Kyle Broflovski to the main office.” The voice says. Kyle blinks in surprise but brings his back just in case as he makes his way out into the hall. Oh god, oh god what did Stan do? Did it show it to everyone? Was he being called in to meet with cops? Kyle takes a nervous breath as he makes his way through the halls. It’s not like he did anything wrong right? He makes his way in glancing around nervously. 

“H-Hi I was called down-...” before Kyle could continue vice principal strong woman nods.

“I know, PC Principal would like to see you.” She says sweetly and nods to the room past her. Kyle nods and quickly makes his way in opening the door. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees Stan’s parents sitting down. They both looked… Upset. PC principal was nowhere to be seen.

“Uh, I’m sorry but… I was just… Called down so I thought…” Just as Kyle was about to backaway Sharon shakes her head no.

“W-We asked for a moment alone with you… Please sit…” She motions to a chair beside them. Kyle hesitantly makes his way over sitting down. He hadn’t seen them sense he was a kid and Stan and him hung out all the time.

“Go ahead and tell him Linda…” Randy says placing a hand onto her shoulder. She quickly brushes it off with a sharp glare to him.

“I’m going as fast as I can…” She says bitterly and Kyle sat there awkwardly. What was going on? Something was clearly wrong… After a few minute pause Linda goes on.

“I… Stan wanted you to have this…” She holds out the note he wrote. Kyle stares at it in shock and confusion. 

“W-We haven’t seen you in years but… But then this… ‘Dear Kyle Broflovski’...” Linda reads out loud running her fingers over the paper.

“H-He wrote this to you… He wanted to leave you his last words…” Linda manages to choke out looking like she was on the brink of tears. Kyle tenses at that unsure if he heard what she was saying.

“W-Wait his last words…?” Kyle asks worriedly and glancing between Randy and Linda. 

“Stan… Stan took his own life.” Randy explains placing a hand onto Sharon’s shoulder. This time she doesn’t shove it away.

“T-This is all we found with him…” Randy takes the letter from Sharon and opens beginning to read from it. Kyle could hear his head pounding and his head throbbing as she reads it out loud.

“I wish that everything was different… I, I wish I was a part of something… I wish what I said mattered to someone… Anyone…” He reads. Sharon covers her ears so she wouldn’t have to hear the last words of her son. 

“He didn’t write that.” Kyle manages to choke out. Sharon uncovers her ears and stares at Kyle in shock.

“W-What..?” She asks in surprise and stares at Kyle. Randy glances at Kyle with a soft pitying frown on his face. 

“He’s clearly in shock Sharon…” He tries to mutter but Sharon wasn’t having it. She quickly stands up. 

“No! What does he mean by that?!” She yells more sternly now. Kyle could only stare in shock feeling his panic attack rising in his lungs and chest as if he was being filled with rushing water. 

“I-I should go.” Kyle stutters out and quickly gets up as well. As he does so Sharon grabs onto Kyle’s arm so he couldn’t go.

“But did he say anything to you!? This… This is all we have left…” Sharon sobs out tears streaming down her face. But all of a sudden she gasps and points to Kyle’s cast. 

“L-Look! Look Randy…” She says an almost hopefully tone under her voice. Both Randy and Kyle look down to his cast to see Stan’s name scribbled across it. 

“His Super Best Friend…” Randy says a sad smile on his face as he stares at the cast. Kyle glances one last time to the cast and then to their hopeful faces. 

“Yes…” Kyle mutters out staring at the cast.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is https://queenbvadva.tumblr.com/ come stop by and say hi! :D


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